The Night Before New Normal Christmas (from An Anti-State Christmas by Tom Mullen)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town

Not a creature was stirring, all were safely locked down;

The masks were all hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that St. Fauci soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of booster shots invaded their heads;

And mamma in her kerchief, and I in my cap,

Lay six feet apart for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what did my wondering eyes see arrive,

But a government agent, walking straight up my drive,

As bureaucrats go, he was lively and quick,

And I despaired in a moment of avoiding the prick.

More rapid than eagles had the variants come,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called one by one:

“Now, Alpha! now, Beta! now, Gamma and Delta!

On, Eta! on, Epsilon! Kappa and Lambda!

I have the new shot; there’s no reason to stall.

I’ve got the jab that will dash away all!”

He was dressed very badly, from his head to his toe,

It was hard to imagine a girl dating this schmo;

A bundle of needles he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

He was chubby and plump, from his tax-derived pelf,

And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

The dim look in his eye and small size of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread;

He spoke not a word, but tried straight away,

To stab all our arms with the new mRNA,

But laying a finger on each side of his nose,

I gave it a squeeze and got him up on his toes;

He sprang to his car as my boot hit his rear,

And away did he drive almost too fast to steer.

To the neighbors I shouted, ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

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1 thought on “The Night Before New Normal Christmas (from An Anti-State Christmas by Tom Mullen)

  1. David I Tsuneishi

    xi the unnamed variant had a very controversal name, none of the other variants wanted be near him they were afraid the Communist chinese might get angry and cancel them.


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