‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town
Not a creature was stirring, all were safely locked down;
The masks were all hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Fauci soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of booster shots invaded their heads;
And mamma in her kerchief, and I in my cap,
Lay six feet apart for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what did my wondering eyes see arrive,
But a government agent, walking straight up my drive,
As bureaucrats go, he was lively and quick,
And I despaired in a moment of avoiding the prick.
More rapid than eagles had the variants come,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called one by one:
“Now, Alpha! now, Beta! now, Gamma and Delta!
On, Eta! on, Epsilon! Kappa and Lambda!
I have the new shot; there’s no reason to stall.
I’ve got the jab that will dash away all!”
He was dressed very badly, from his head to his toe,
It was hard to imagine a girl dating this schmo;
A bundle of needles he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
He was chubby and plump, from his tax-derived pelf,
And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
The dim look in his eye and small size of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread;
He spoke not a word, but tried straight away,
To stab all our arms with the new mRNA,
But laying a finger on each side of his nose,
I gave it a squeeze and got him up on his toes;
He sprang to his car as my boot hit his rear,
And away did he drive almost too fast to steer.
To the neighbors I shouted, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”